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... or a polder guest, or a Dutch uncle if he shows up unexpectedly!Some of the world's humblest foods are ineffable delicacies if cooked well. If your concept of split pea soup has been formed by glop from a can, you need to travel to Holland and try the thick, meaty pea soup called SNERT. I can even send you to a restaurant - Elsa's on Linnaeusstraat, a loud lively working-class joint - though 'snert' is only on the menu once a week. As an alternative, you could go to Sweden to try split yellow-pea soup, called "Thursday Soup" in my family for obvious reasons.Don't even think of shortcuts! Don't buy a pea-soup mix, one of those everything-but-the-water packages. Start with a plain bag of split peas, like this product, and don't let it sit in the cupboard for a year. Follow the directions on the package for pre-soaking. Split peas usually want only rinsing and perhaps a half-hour of soaking.You'll want a large heavy pot. Enameled iron works best. Here we go:* 3 cups of split peas, 6 cups of water, one ham hock or chunk of Kassler ham, one parboiled pig's foot or something you can imagine as a substitute. If you have a turkey or goose carcass, hey, throw it in also, but don't forget to remove it later. Bring to a boil, then simmer with the cover partly open for two hours, stirring occasionally. [The end product, snert, is a very thick soup; the classic standard is that the spoon will stand straight up in it.]*Meanwhile, peel and dice two white potatoes, two stalks of celery, two large leeks, and two white onions. Add them to the soup and simmer another half hour or so, until the veggies are incorporated in the texture. Add a teaspoon or more of dried thyme, rubbed or ground in a mortar, after the veggies. Some cooks add a dash of nutmeg; I usually add allspice, but very judiciously, and a tablespoon of dark vinegar.*Take out the meat with bones, chop it in small chunks, and put it back in the soup. Add a half-pound (or more) of a good smoked sausage, cut in slices. Cook another ten minutes... longer and uncovered if the soup isn't appealingly THICK!*Salt and pepper to taste. Serve with dark rye bread - what Americans generally call pumpernickel - and slices of thick chewy bacon, not fried to gritty death. Strong Dutch or Belgian ale is essential. Some chefs garnish Snert or Thursday Soup with toasted pumpkin seeds.For once I offer my blessing on the use of a microwave to reheat snert or any pea/bean soup; much nicer than scouring a scorched pan! If your polder guest is troublesome, snert is a perfect excipient for Amanita phalloides.